Several months ago, just before the joyous days of Sukkos, I experienced something unexpected. After the morning prayers, I felt the first chill of what would become a major illness. By the time the holiday approached, I was in bed, struggling to even prepare my lulav and esrog for the holiday. The next morning, I woke up to find my left leg swollen. At first, I thought it was just from bumping into the bed frame. On the Yom Tov (holiday), my Rabbi encouraged me to go to urgent care where it was suggested that I might have cellulitis. As someone who typically opts for natural remedies, I decided against antibiotics after a week, hoping to heal through more holistic methods. Though my condition slowly improved over the next months, it wasn’t until I saw another doctor that I learned it might not have been cellulitis in the first place. That reassurance gave me confidence to continue treating it with natural means, while also paying close attention to my emotional well-being, as stress can have a significant impact on our physical health.
One of the tools I use when working through healing is to reflect on the emotional context surrounding the onset of the illness. What was going on in my life at that time? What stressors might have contributed to my body’s reaction?
All the above helped with slow healing, but there was still discoloration on my legs and I wasn’t sure what was still causing it. When stress increased, the skin issues also increased.
At the beginning of March, I worked with a coach who led me through a transformative meditation. During this session, I was guided to meet with my older, wiser self—my internal sage. I asked him three questions: How can I heal? How can I release tension? And what about my journey in shidduchim (dating)? His answers were simple yet profound: “You are healing,” he told me. “This that you know Less is more,” he said, “even less is even more.” As for the third question, he winked and smiled, leaving me to recognize the answer within myself. I appreciated his playful response—it reminded me that healing is not just about seriousness, but also embracing a sense of humor and goofiness. My coach pointed out that my older self was hinting that I should embrace this side of me more fully. I felt I had now permission to act even more freely and goofy.
This insight came just days before Purim, a holiday of joy, celebration, and release. It struck me that this experience was connected to something much deeper, something linked to both Yom Kippur and Purim. When I reflect back, I realize that my skin issues first appeared just after Yom Kippur, a time of intense reflection and seriousness. Yom Kippur is a day of teshuva (repentance), marked by yirah (awe) and din (judgment). This time can lead us to be overly serious, which, for me, resulted in physical stress. The holiday of Purim represents a different kind of Teshuva—a Teshuva of simcha (joy), where we reconnect with our true selves, even through the playful act of dressing up and letting go of our burdens.
Chassidus offers a profound perspective on this connection between Yom Kippur and Purim (see ma'amar Al Kein Karu, chapters 2-4. Torah Ohr pp. 92d). In fact, the Hebrew word for Yom Kippurim, traditionally understood as "the Day of Atonement," can also be interpreted as “a day like Purim.” This suggests that Purim holds an even greater spiritual significance than Yom Kippur. The joy of Purim, with its limitless celebration, is so powerful that chapter nine of Midrash Mishlei teaches that in the future, all festivals will be nullified, except for Purim. On Yom Kippur, atonement comes through repentance, while on Purim, it is granted to all the Jewish people simply through joy and unity. Purim, it seems, represents a level of spiritual openness that transcends limitations.
Reflecting on this deeper understanding, I saw clearly that the illness I had experienced was a manifestation of my over-seriousness. I had become so focused on avodah (spiritual work) and life’s responsibilities that my body began to signal an imbalance. Thanks to the guidance from my coach and my older self, I realized that embracing joy and goofiness was an essential part of my healing journey. It was a reminder to be unapologetically me, to not take myself so seriously, and to find healing through joy and self-expression.
Since that moment of insight, I’ve felt a lighter, healthier version of myself, supported by proper nutrition—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As my older, wiser self said, “I am healing,” and with each passing moment, I embrace greater levels of health and wellness.
As we approach Passover, the holiday of freedom, I wish for you the same alignment with your goofy, authentic self. The world truly needs more of that. Let’s heal together through joy, play, and the courage to express our true selves—unreservedly and with a smile. 🙏
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